Overview

It might be uncomfortable to think about, but romance scams are one of the most financially devastating types of fraud — and one of the most common. According to the FTC, Americans lose more money to romance scams each year than to any other type of consumer fraud. The losses are often measured in tens of thousands of dollars, and the emotional toll can be just as significant as the financial one.

This isn’t about being gullible. These scams are carefully engineered by professional criminals who spend weeks or months building trust before ever asking for money. Anyone can be targeted — but older adults who are widowed, divorced, or living alone are disproportionately affected.

How Romance Scams Work

The setup is almost always the same, even if the details vary:

A stranger reaches out — on a dating site, a social media platform like Facebook, or even by a seemingly accidental text message. They are warm, attentive, and often remarkably compatible with you. The conversation moves quickly. They may claim to be a doctor working overseas, a military officer deployed abroad, an engineer on an oil rig, or a successful businessperson who travels frequently. This explains why they can never meet in person.

Over weeks or months, they build a genuine emotional connection. They remember details you’ve shared. They express deep affection. They may talk about the future — visiting, meeting family, even marriage.

Then, eventually, something goes wrong. A medical emergency. A business deal that’s fallen through temporarily. A customs fee to release equipment or a package. Could you help, just this once? They’ll pay you back as soon as they return.

The requests often start small. Then they grow. And they don’t stop until the victim runs out of money or figures out what’s happening.

Common Warning Signs

• They can never meet in person or video chat. There’s always a reason — bad internet connection, work restrictions, an emergency. A legitimate person pursuing a relationship will find a way.
• They profess strong feelings very quickly. Professional scammers are trained to accelerate emotional attachment.
• Their profile seems too good to be true. Attractive photos, impressive career, no apparent flaws.
• They ask you to move communication off the dating platform to text, WhatsApp, or email early in the relationship. This removes any oversight the platform might provide.
• They have a reason they can’t access their own money. Frozen accounts, overseas banking restrictions, a deal tied up in customs — these are all classic setups.
• They ask you to send money via wire transfer, payment apps, gift cards, or cryptocurrency. These methods are hard or impossible to reverse and are preferred by scammers for exactly that reason.
• They ask you to keep the relationship private. Isolating victims from friends and family who might raise concerns is a deliberate tactic.

A Word About Gift Cards

If anyone — romantic interest or otherwise — asks you to pay for something using gift cards and then read them the numbers over the phone, stop immediately. No legitimate person, business, or government agency accepts payment this way. This is fraud, every single time, without exception.

What to Do If You’re Concerned

If something about an online relationship feels off, trust that instinct. Here are some steps worth taking:

• Do a reverse image search of their profile photo at images.google.com. Scammers frequently use stolen photos of real people — often military members, doctors, or models. If the same photo appears under a different name, that’s a clear sign.
• Talk to someone you trust — a family member, a close friend, or even one of our branch staff. Scammers work hard to keep their victims isolated. An outside perspective can be invaluable.
• Never send money to someone you haven’t met in person, regardless of how long you’ve been talking or how strong the connection feels.
• If you’re already sending money and someone in your life has raised concerns, please take those concerns seriously. The shame and embarrassment of being scammed is completely understandable — but it should never stop you from getting help.

If You’ve Already Sent Money

Please don’t be embarrassed to reach out. These scams are designed by professionals, and they work on smart, careful people every day. The most important thing now is to act quickly:

• Call Bank of Marin immediately at (866) 626-6004
• Report it to the FTC at reportfraud.ftc.gov
• File a complaint with the FBI at ic3.gov
• If gift cards were involved, contact the gift card issuer immediately — some issuers can freeze unused balances

Need Help?

If you have any concerns about a financial request from someone you’ve met online, please call us at (866) 626-6004 or stop by any branch. You will not be judged. We’re here to help.

Remember: When in doubt, do not give out information or send money — contact your bank first!